lets ban PD for spamming up the profile posts
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i realized today that it's near impossible to figure out when 'walking dead' jumped the shark because it did so over 6 times
Your digestive system both starts and ends with cheeks
Today I learned that Moby Dick is a venereal disease
Wouldn't it make sense that gay men likely won't have constipation problems?
Build a man a fire & he'll be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life
Riddle: Any given year - Xmas eve and NY eve fall on the same day of the week. Xmas day and NY day don't. Why?
Peanut butter jelly time
You never realize how often you fart until you hang around with someone you are attracted to
My electric bills could buy a nice car. this sucks
I before E Except when your foreign neighbor Keith receives eight counterfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters. Weird.
Babies literally suck the energy from their moms to become more powerful
It would be weird if a human yelled out "Anyone wanna fuck?" but birds do it all day and nobody cares.
Anyone on the freeway going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is an idiot that's going to kill someone?
The only people who think a car playing loud music is cool are the people in the car
Not having Headphone jacks in theaters seems borderline criminal
The candles you blow out on a birthday cake represent the years extinguished from your life
Blood is thicker than water. But, syrup is thicker than blood. Therefore pancakes are more important than family.
Flat Earthers never seem to appreciate how lucky we are that the Earth is horizontal rather than vertical
have you seen the clown that hides from gay people? Have you?
Hey Now Brown Cow
Not to go off topic about taking/leaving a shit, but I just picked 124 ripe, sweet and tangy tangelos off a tree and have 100+ left to pick
Shouldn't it be 'leaving' a shit?
The More You Know: Teach a man to make fire, he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, he'll be warm for a lifetime.
Neighbor knocked on my door this morning at 2:30am? Can you believe that? 2:30am! Lucky for him i was still up playing my drums!
that the fresh, “green” scent of a just-mowed lawn is actually a distress signal that the lawn is sending out to save Net Neutrality
sometimes my ass fools me. Sit down for a nice shit and it turns out to be nothing more than a disappointing giant fart
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world because theyd never expect it
My taint is inflamed. Thought you should know
I think I'm more sad to see Mayor West gone than batman
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