Recovery Thread

Discussion in 'Off-Topic Discussion' started by Miz, Dec 25, 2014.

  1. Kano

    Kano My New Challenge Site Donor

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    Miz, you described my drinking almost to a T. You've helped me more than I could ever hope to help you. Thanks friend.
     
  2. Miz

    Miz mortality, ka, and the Tower

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    Need to vent. I feel like drinking. Obsessive thoughts and kids are killing me.
     
  3. disposableassassin

    disposableassassin Mutatis Mutandis Site Donor

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    Hang in there man. I've had a rough one today myself. Let's start reading!
     
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  4. Kano

    Kano My New Challenge Site Donor

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    If they succeed you probably won't feel like drinking.
     
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  5. Dimson

    Dimson Your tears don't fall...

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    Go to a meeting if you have to. If not, find something to distract you. Take your mind off it.
     
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  6. TriangleSmoke

    TriangleSmoke Motherfucker of the Century Site Donor

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    Do you keep a journal? That's actually been very helpful for me. I write a lot when I'm in that state, although i trash jist about everything after writing it. God forbid anyone ever read that shit.
     
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  7. Miz

    Miz mortality, ka, and the Tower

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    Thanks for the words guys. I didn’t drink and I don’t feel like it today. My wife let me go to bed early. I’m so lucky. I have a beautiful wife who loves me and three healthy happy kids. Problem is my ocd holds onto things for lots of years. I think Triangle on to something. I’m going to write down all the wrongs/mistakes that I hold onto. I started a fire and I’m going to burn them. Next I’m going to write down all the things I’m blessed for and show them to my wife. My wife has put up with me for going on 19 years this year. I am so lucky.
    I don’t want to drink, but sometimes it’s all that will kill that anger and resentment and feelings of guilt. The meditating has helped. I have to start working out again. Yesterday I did 50 push-ups, 50 sit-ups and squats. I need to start running.
    I just get so focused on past mistakes and times I’ve felt wronged. I throw a stupid pitty party for me and I just want to forget all. I sometimes wish there was a pill to make me forget everything and start fresh.
    Sorry to vent. 57 days sober today.
     
  8. Miz

    Miz mortality, ka, and the Tower

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    My last grandma died the other day. We had her funeral today. Don’t feel bad b/c she was in a lot of pain and had dementia. Was good to see family even if everyone wasn’t super excited to see each other. I had a good day. Love you guys.
     
  9. Qball1974

    Qball1974 Tower of Song Site Donor

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    Lost my last grandma 14 years ago,

    she would have been 100 on my wife's birthday last Oct.
     
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  10. Dimson

    Dimson Your tears don't fall...

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    I have one grandparent left. She is 77 I believe.
     
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  11. Miz

    Miz mortality, ka, and the Tower

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    @PillowBiter id pm you but maybe this could help someone so I’ll say it here. You got any strategies for obsessive thoughts? I’m BD but ocd is comorbid sometimes. My thoughts aren’t bad Iim just reliving over past things. I set up a meeting to see a therapist. I haven’t done that in several years since I typically just see my pdoc. I’m meditating and I’m going to go for a job. I know this shits in my head and I just need to live in the present.
    Sorry to keep bitching, but it’s just a battle I’m trying to win. Maybe I need a lobotomy.
     
  12. Anchorpunch

    Anchorpunch Well-Known Member Site Donor

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    DUDE!! I'm a broken record but that's exactly why I love DBT (dialectic behavioral therapy). There's a whole model they'll teach about your thinking mind, your emotional mind (which is exactly where you get lost in replaying past situations, debating social settings but in your own head, etc.), and focusing on combining them into "wise mind." I'm finding a lot of good with it. And what I like the most is that it isn't about psychodynamics. It's a complimenting lens that focuses on skills and practice (i.e. behaviors). A lot of "in the moment" stuff that feels like an intersection of modern psychology and eastern philosophy. It's really good and highly recommended for people with my issues.

    I'm BD as well as borderline (which is superfun, basically I get all the depression and mania combined with having never really felt human connections like normal people do). I can't imagine a time where I'm emotionally interested in things like marriage, etc, but I think DBT will really help me navigate the world.

    Lastly, as an aside, I learned (unpleasantly) that mushrooms are very dangerous for someone with BD. I think you do them, right? Turns out they can trigger manic episodes and other issues with people on certain wavelength. It can even, with people holding predispositions, can trigger a permanent onset of schizophrenia. I couldn't figure out why I was having crazy impulse control and other issues a couple of months ago and it turns out I kicked off a manic episode by accident...

    Let me know if you'd like me to ask my DBT therapist if they know of good options either in your area or (it seems like this is becoming a thing) by telecommute.
     
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  13. Miz

    Miz mortality, ka, and the Tower

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    Could I get a book? Would that help. I got an appointment in a few weeks but not sure what the rapist is all about (Trebec).
     
  14. Anchorpunch

    Anchorpunch Well-Known Member Site Donor

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    Here's the one I use with my therapist. Two things:



    1. It's hilariously stupid at the surface level but meaningful a level deeper. I find it's most helpful to think of the therapist as a coach who just tells you want to do in this setting. Don't question, just do.

    2. You should really start with someone, as the book is not designed for self exploration and I would guess that a therapist would suggest the work itself needs guidance. It is, however, something that they also do in groups for much cheaper. Remember, it's the opposite of therapy, you're not talking about or listening to others talk about your feelings. You're doing the exercises, reflecting on what you learned, and prepping for your next practice. I don't do groups, but that's just because none of the ones I was referred to had hours I could consistently attend given work travel.

    EDIT: I should have noted that the theory is the exercises give you better control over your inner emotions under the (layman's explanation follows:) hypothesis that it's emotional disruption that often leads to those moments of unhelpfully losing yourself in your inner mind, etc. There are also other goals they can work on, but I'm newer to it. Though I think they are all tied to theories of personality disorder (which is from BD as a mood disorder).
     
    Last edited: Mar 28, 2019
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  15. Miz

    Miz mortality, ka, and the Tower

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    I go see my pdoc in about an hour. Been having obsessive thoughts. I take medicine for bp2. Not sure there’s anything she can do. I’m meeting with a therapist next week. I haven’t done any therapy in a few years. I’ve never found one I like. Luckily the obsessive thoughts aren’t things like, “kill” or anything bad. Mainly I just replay past failures over and over in my head. I’ve been meditating a lot and it helps. When a negative thought pops in my head I just try to think of something I’m grateful for.
    Not drinking is going well.
    --- Post Added -- Apr 5, 2019, ---
    Went to doc. Gonna stay the course. She did recommend a therapist that specializes in a therapy similar to what you (@PillowBiter ) was suggesting. Got to call to see if I can get in.
    Great day to be alive. In a week we have Hollaway Diamond and GOT premiere. How much better could things get?
     
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  16. Anchorpunch

    Anchorpunch Well-Known Member Site Donor

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    Glad to hear the thoughts aren't anything action oriented, my friend. I reached out to my doc and asked for something that might also be an affordable and flexible online solution just in case you'd like that. Will keep you posted.

    Most days I think of therapy as work and don't really want to be doing it. But it's good work.
     
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  17. Miz

    Miz mortality, ka, and the Tower

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    What do you mean online solution?
     
  18. disposableassassin

    disposableassassin Mutatis Mutandis Site Donor

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    Porn?
     
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  19. Poindexter

    Poindexter Reputation: ∞ Staff Member

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    The old reliable.
     
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  20. Miz

    Miz mortality, ka, and the Tower

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    Trying to gain control of my my mind. I’ve been obsessing over some things and had terrible anxiety. I’m trying like hell to get control of myself. Probably still booze fueled from before I quit. It always goes through this cycle of depression then anxiety. I’m starting to feel better. I quit using weed as I thought that might have been fueling it. My mind feels as quiet as it has in a long time. I just have to remember not to drink. That will solve none of my problems. I’m at the tail end of my 30’s and I really want to right the ship.
    “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog gone it people like me” Stuart Smalley
     
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